Woman. I may smack her.

Bothering me? Really?

I just had a really bad night and needed those arms more than ever and she thinks she's bothering me by writing me when I check my mailbox everyday? Really? URG! This is me being pissy which is kind of a role reversal. I'm usually the cute cheery one. I could smack a hoe. I'm not really angry, just a bit worried. If she would rather not send letters so that she can move on for the time being and just be happy until we can be together again then I am more than fine with that. I want her to do whatever she needs to do be okay. I'll be here no matter what in the end, no matter who she turns out to be or what she wants for herself. I will always love her for the good in her heart, the way she smiles, the way she laughs, the way that no matter how bad my day is, just looking at her makes everything perfect again, and incredibly, for the fact that I know some part of her will always love me.

I want her to get the help she needs so that she can be happy and healthy when we can be together again. I don't care if I get blamed. I can't live with myself if I know that she isn't going to be happy. No one understands the things I'll do to ensure that she can be happy for now. Even if it means I'll hurt myself in doing it, I'll give everything I can so that she can truly be safe and happy during this time apart. I'm not keeping myself incredibly busy with making myself a better person, working at my internship, and trying to be a good team mate because I want to end up single in four months. Absolutely not. It's so that I can be the best possible person I can be for when that day comes. And if it comes and passes without a word from her then I will deal with that and hope for the best for her. At this rate it looks like everything is going to be fine, which is what I have thought the entire time. This was seriously the best present I could have been given on a friday other than last friday.

I've been having a pretty rough week and I've felt like I need her to just hold me so I can cry and finally feel better. That's the only way I can cry on command. Other times it's beyond my control.

We're watching movies tonight and I actually work tomorrow for once, assuming I get to bed early, it should be a good day tomorrow.

P.S. Mizzou is an hour and a half away. :) No big deal. And I am proud. Incredibly proud!